6 Things I Learned From Loving The Wrong People

People sometimes come into our lives in order to teach us a lesson, to open something in us, to hep us understand things about life we were not aware of. But they cannot and should not stay. If it ever happened to you that you loved a wrong person, you were probably deeply hurt, but that relationship has taught you so many things.

1. You cannot force someone to love you

No matter how hard you try, you cannot make someone love you – and you shouldn’t even try. Sometimes we do not receive the same amount of love we are giving: this is the harsh truth about life. The moment you finally realize this fact, your heart simply bursts with pain and despair. No matter what you do, no matter what you say, it is impossible to change the way someone acts, thinks and feels about you.

In this case, you should simply ask yourself one question: “Is the person really worthy of your feelings? Do you really have to convince him that you are worth his attention! How long can you hold on in this mode? A Month? Two? A year? Two?” It can take you quite a while to accept the fact that it is impossible to love someone who does not love you.

2. If those you love are not making an effort, chances are they just don’t care

How often have you texted first, took the first step, or offered to go on a date? Too many times. If the person you love does not put any effort into your relationship (especially at the very beginning), most likely it will remain so. If from the first days of the relationship these people spend time with you and communicate or working on the relationship minimally, then it is unlikely that they will change in the future.

Do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t feel like trying even a little harder to get to know you? Ask yourself this question. The answer to the question is at the same time the answer to another: “Is this person worth your love?”

3. “Not the best moment” is not an obstacle if you truly love someone

Many people justify their unwillingness to invest time, energy, and effort in a relationship by saying that “now is not the best moment”. What does it mean? if they met you at a more appropriate time, then everything would be different? Everybody’ s life is very stressful and difficult from time to time, but if you are loved sincerely and deeply, no matter how chaotic someone’s life may be, there will always be time to meet. There is no such thing as “best timing” in love – the time is always “NOW” when it comes to true love.

Sometimes people start dating not in the best times – perhaps they are focused on their careers, solving life problems, or moving to another country. Still, those who really care would do everything not to lose that special person..

Nobody knows how things will turn out: maybe you will be lucky enough and you will meet again in the future, when the problems are over. But what are the chances for this to happen? It’s naive and foolish to expect your partner to wait for you for years until you’re ready for a relationship. If you have met someone you have been looking for all your life, you will always find time for a date, a trip or just a video call. 

4. Do not take it personally if they didn’t like you enough

A situation which happens very often to so many people: You start dating a person. Several months passes everything is wonderful and magical and suddenly the person makes a 180-degree turn, saying he is leaving. He explains his hasty decision by the fact that he is not yet ready for a relationship. 

Then after a while you find out that he is dating another girl. This may come as a harsh blow to your self-esteem. 

It can take you quite a while to accept what happened and to come to terms with the fact that that you and this person weren’t supposed to be together. His departure does not mean anything at all: neither that you were worse than someone else, nor that you were not beautiful enough, smart enough, etc. The fact that someone does not like you enough has nothing to do with you.

If you were left, this does not mean that you have to worry about your imaginary shortcomings and imperfections. If someone is gone, just forget about him.

5. If your heart was broken once, chances are it will be broken again

Have you been betrayed more than once by the same person? Did they cheat on you making up childish excuses? Were you insulted in anger? Think hard: do you really want to take the risk and let these people back into your life?

You can try, of course, if you wish, but be prepared for the same scenario.

I believe that people should be given a second chance only when they deserve it. We all make mistakes, nobody is a saint. But there are circumstances when you need to ask yourself if you are willing to take the risk to be left with a broken heart again.

6. Some people should come into your life, but they shouldn’t stay

When someone leaves our life, then, as a rule, we suffer and grieve. But sometimes it can be a blessing in disguise, because it helps us understand what we are looking for in a loved one, a relationship or in life.

When the first shock of the breakup wears off, you look around and begin to understand that the person was only one more chapter in your book. And other “chapters” with other people are yet to follow.

Sometimes people have to come into our lives, but only in order to teach us certain lessons. But they cannot and should not stay. Simply thank them and let them go.

Written By Tyara Wolf

Psychology and Personal Development

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