Have you ever heard from others that you are overreacting to something someone said? Surely yes. And this is normal: it is almost impossible not to take any criticism seriously. Problems begin when the reaction becomes too sharp, too violent. How to learn to react differently?
As you know, only those who do nothing do not make mistakes. This means that the more we risk, the more are actions are noticed, the more criticism we will hear.
You cannot stop the flow of other people’s opinions, but you can learn to perceive them differently. Do not let comments hinder development and progress towards your goals. And in order to do this, it is not necessary to “grow a shell” and become “thicker-skinned”, just adopt another perspective.
Before taking something to your heart, think about this.
1. Do you know those who criticize you?
People who criticize or hurt you – what do you know about them? The most harsh criticism usually comes from anonymous users on social networks. Such people hiding behind strange avatars should not be taken into account at all.
No one argues that freedom of speech is important. Everyone should have the right to express their opinion. And constructive anonymous comments have a right to exist. But anonymous insults are left only by cowards. Is it worth letting such people hurt you?
2. Are these people important to you?
We are often offended by the words, opinions and actions of people that are not important to us. For example, another child’s mother on the playground. A friend who once set you up and certainly can no longer be considered a friend. An unbearable colleague from a neighboring department. The boss at the company you are about to quit. A toxic ex you don’t plan to date again.
“Don’t let other people’s opinions rule your life. Whatever you do, no matter how worthy, critics will show up, but they will only win if you let them win.”
Each of these people may hurt you, but it’s important to take a step back and take a sober view of the situation. These people mean nothing to you – is it worth reacting to their comments? But what if the critic is important to you? Do not rush to react – try to listen carefully to someone else’s point of view.
3. Is it worth stooping to their level?
Is it worth stooping to to the level of those who judge you on the basis of appearance, gender, orientation, age and your differences? No, it is not. All of the above is not their business. If they insist on criticizing you, then, in essence, they simply have nothing smarter or constructive to say.
4. What they say and do is always about themselves
The way a person speaks about others and behaves to them shows who he really is. With harsh comments, toxic posts, unworthy behavior, they tell you the story of their life, they reveal who they really are, what they believe in, what emotional games they play, how narrow their outlook on life is.
The poison they spray is their own product. It is helpful to remind yourself of this, perhaps even more useful than trying to avoid them completely.
5. Don’t jump to conclusions
When we are upset or angry, we feel like we know what the other person meant. Perhaps they wanted to hurt you. Or maybe we are wrong. Try to react calmly, leave the interlocutor the right to their own opinion, but do not take everything personally.
6. Consider how they can help you
Even negative feedback, delivered in an inappropriate way, can help you reconsider your mistakes, learn something and grow, especially when it comes to work. Return to the bad criticism when the emotions have subsided and try to see if it might be helpful to you.
7. Don’t let critics limit you
The main danger is that we take everything too personally, we take a defensive position, and this significantly limits our life, preventing us from moving forward, developing and using new opportunities. Don’t let critics get you into this trap. Don’t become a victim.
Written By Tyara Wolf
Psychology and Personal Development