Love Is Not What People Think It Is

True love is not so common. Therefore, people tend to confuse it with falling in love, affection and other similar states of mind and soul. But they all have little to do with true love. It is impossible to create a healthy and lasting relationship on this idea of love.

What people often call love, but what love is not: Interdependence, complex relationships, realization of certain goals together, relations with one’s own projections … There are many scientific, pseudo-scientific and scientific names and definitions of love. For some it is chemistry, physics, falling in love, mutual attraction, butterflies in the stomach… And all this has little to do with true love.

Let me tell a story from a Russian psychologist Irina Eletskaya about a story give to her by her client the aim of which is to explain what love is.

It was a story of a genuine love.

It all started with the school volleyball team, where there was a guy who was one of the best players. And the team was strong and reckless.

And they played with great success, they won prizes. He liked it.

He liked to feel his trained body, its capabilities, he liked to realize his sports potential.  He liked being strong, dexterous, technical. Playing in a team and feeling like a part of a single well-coordinated mechanism.

Once they were invited to play with a team of veterans. The “old men” were about forty years of age, or even more, but these guys were not that awkward, they were still pretty skilled and trained. 

The veterans actually crushed them. The younger team was perplexed, confused, depressed, defeated.

But the hero of our story did not fall into despair; instead, he thought hard. He wanted to know what it was in the game of the veterans that could withstand the impeccable technique and strength of the younger team.

He analyzed the match to the smallest detail. A lively, genuine interest awoke in him. He wanted to understand the game deeply from the inside, study it, learn it. He realized that volleyball is much more than a technique. It is intelligence, it is art. And only when he was able to comprehend its essence, its spirit, and then he truly fell in love with this sport. It became love of his life.

One of the greatest false hopes and common illusions is that a relationship is built on the basis of love.

It is impossible to create a relationship on the basis of love.

Love is something that arises from a relationship. You can truly love somebody only what you know them well. This directly applies to self-love, which everyone talks about, but few people understand how to get there.

And relationships are just a process of getting to know each other. Yourself and the other person. Yourself through another. Another through yourself.

And this is definitely not about a desperate need for somebody in order not to “die from loneliness”.

It’s about life.

Meet and get to know each other. And only through this process of getting to know each other will you find love.

Writte By Tyara Wolf

Psychology and Personal Development

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