Sexual intimacy is the least that a woman can give to a man. It is not that expensive and is common enough not to give it any special value.
Tenderness is more expensive – it is something a woman does not give to everyone; and not even to all those with whom she sleeps. You cannot buy tenderness, you cannot steal it, you cannot take it either by deception or by force; and you can’t confuse it with anything else.
What is tenderness?
Tenderness is a photo you look at with a smile. When you take a person’s face in your hands, when you want to snuggle up to this person tightly and completely feel him. Tenderness is a smile in my eyes when I think of you. Tenderness is the realization that somebody is waiting for you with love and warmth.
Tenderness is care, caution, tactfulness and trust. It is not “passion”.
It may seem as if tenderness is strength, but a little bit different kind of strength: inner strength that makes us softer for the sake of the Other. A weak person, in my opinion, cannot be gentle, cannot be tender. They can be affectionate, kind, but not gentle. And this “softening”, which I am talking about, is a kind of inner liberation. When boundaries dissolve. It is simply openness – sincere, light, full of care and inner joy.
Tenderness accompanies us all life
We experienced tenderness in childhood, in a relationship with mother. Then later it may seen that the only people with whom we can be truly gentle are our husbands and wives. Then we get to know one more tenderness – the attitude towards our children. The definition may sound a little bit complicated, but it is correct.
Tenderness is all the openness: openness to oneself, openness to another: Feeling of complete safety in complete openness.
This is a sensation, unclouded by any defense mechanisms, and does not require reciprocity or any other support. You want to be gentle with a person, and that’s it.
Have you noticed that a person at a distance tends to be much more gentle than in a personal meeting? Basically, oddly enough, people are also affectionate with each other by email or phone.
Masculinity is above all tenderness
There is tremendous strength in a person who shows tenderness to another person. And even greater power of acceptance of Others. Possessing this strength means openness and acceptance of another person, which makes a man’s strength truly authentic, and his tenderness truly effective. Tenderness changes people because it gives them a new sense of life – life without struggle, but with genuine victories.
There is an opinion that tenderness lives where there is a lot of leisure and idleness, but in our time it is an exceptional luxury. Just look into the eyes of seemingly unapproachable people! They want tenderness, but they do not know how to show it or get it. It is sad.
Be gentle. It’s not a shame
Only a person who has enough inner strength to be open enough and to transfer his attention from his own inner experiences to the state of another person can be truly gentle .
Tenderness does not only accompany love. In its absence, relationships suffer. The most refined, perfect, understandable for all external manifestation of tenderness is human smile, full of sincerity and kindness. A smile opens the labyrinths of someone else’s soul, and gives a relationship warmth and sympathy, the thrill of expectation. A smile as a manifestation of tenderness speaks of a long path that nature has traveled in the face of man from the animal instincts to the graceful tenderness of a higher earthly being.
There is nothing shameful about tenderness. When people stop for a moment, embracing each other. When you just want to call him – no ridiculous excuses, no locks and passwords. And just to talk – about nothing, hear a voice and smile with all your being.
Tenderness is not weakness, tenderness is courage, only a strong person will be brave enough to bare his heart and show tenderness.
Written By Tyara Wolf
Psychology and Personal Development
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