I think we all went through this. We have all met someone we thought was worthy of our time and love, but ultimately they made sure they were not.
Perhaps we ourselves are to blame for seeing something bright in them and avoiding all red flags. Anyway, we all went through it.
Each of us found ourselves in a situation where the one we wanted and cared about did not want to fight for us. We all saw their indifference to our pain, but most of the times it is this indifference that hurts the most.
There are no relationships without conflicts, just as there are no ideal relationships devoid of flaws. Any relationship has its challenges and problems. What you want to admire is precisely those relationships in which partners work together to solve problems and respect each other.
If your partner runs away at the first signs of an upcoming conflict, and if he or she tries to blame you or some external factors for his bad behavior, you should realize that he will never fight for you. If your partner is running away from his inner demons or problems, running away from his past, which he allowed to determine his present and future, you should accept the fact that your partner is simply unable to fight for you, because he cannot even stand up for himself. How can you respect such a person?
Some people deliberately choose a victim mentality for themselves, using it as a scapegoat. They are too weak to rise, to face difficulties, and find solutions. When you reprimand them, they ask forgiveness for hurting you unintentionally.
They will say that they feel bad for making you suffer, but they will do absolutely nothing to somehow make amends. It is easier for them to let you go, avoiding thus arguments and collisions with reality. It brings you pain, confusion and makes you even more careful. Beware of people who are used to these unhealthy behaviors, because getting out of their trap can be very difficult.
Sooner or later, all of us are faced with the need to determine what exactly we value in a partner and in a relationship. Being ready to fight for the one who is dear to us, to be near both in good and bad times, to support him during the struggle against inner demons, also means we must remember that we are worthy of reciprocal efforts. We must not forget this regardless of the circumstances, problems and quarrels, that if someone loves us strongly enough, then they must be ready to do the same for us. And you also need to understand that if he is not fighting for you, this does not mean that we have done something wrong. It’s simple, though unpleasant – he or she considers us unworthy of his efforts.
Know that it’s okay to put yourself first in a relationship. However, there is a difference between putting yourself first and being selfish. The first means that you did a good job and continue to work hard on yourself, knowing that now you have a lot to offer to your partner. This means that you yourself solve your problems, preventing them from poisoning relationships, not putting them on other person’s shoulders and preventing possible conflicts. In this way, you demonstrate care and love for yourself, acknowledging your worth and thereby expressing respect for your partner.
Opening your heart, look both ways. Watch out for red flags. And never forget: you deserve to be fought for. Despite the unbearable pain caused by the unwillingness of a loved one to fight for us, we will eventually realize that we can not do anything. When it comes to fighting for someone and even for himself, he is simply unable to do so. And he will never be able to.
Written By Tyara Wolf
Psychology and Personal Development